Brainley is wearing a top hat and a monocle.

Title: Professor Brainley's New Year's Resolutions

Brainley: I resent the implication that I'm not already perfect.

Cut to shot of Brainley standing on a lectern.

Title: Resolution #4: Drive away remaining students.

Brainley: In order to discourage cheating, I've decided to ban the use of oxygen during exams.

Cut to shot of a closed door labeled "Dean".

Title: Resolution #3: Find better excuses to avoid department meetings.

Dean: (from behind door) Look, I don't care if it "risks causing a temporal paradox". You need to be there.